A pledge of Strength

I will stand on my own, against the power of all odds against me and call myself worthy to be a daughter of God. I will not be the statistic that fails or become a victim of the past. I will stand strong in the face of all that desires to pull me to fall because I know who I am and I now what I'm worth I know what I can do to strengthen others and I accept the challenge of fighting in the battle satan lost long ago and is still losing today. I will pick up the fallen angels and give them support and comfort to stand on their own again. Every day is a new day, a new day to be better than yesterday, to learn from whatever may come.

When people leave.

My friend has made the brave decision to spend his next two years on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Lima, Peru. This is the first time that I have become so close to someone and built such a trusting foundation enough to call him one of my clear best friends; Never judgmental, always there to help or offer advice or even to just listen, always there to keep company and offers a comfortable atmosphere enough to be yourself. He's a genuine friend. I know that he would do nearly anything for anyone he calls friend and he will do anything for the people of Peru. He is the best example of friend I've ever seen in another person and has helped everyone near him in such a way he can never know the value of his own influence on our lives. I was talking with him about his mission and the degree of friendship that can be maintained throughout and when he returns when he pointed out that I might be in an incredibly different place in my life. A lot can happen in two years. That is true, I never thought about letting such a close friend go but he brought to mind an interesting recognition of reality that I hadn't considered.

*“Don't take for granted those little things because those little things are all that we have.” Live it up with the people in your life today because tomorrow is never promised. People come and go and there's no guarantee that they will always be there. Life pulls people separate ways, it's inevitable and nothing is forever beside the person you find to spend forever with. Until then, be happy with the people in your life and make them happy, as well. Have an understanding that it's okay to make mistakes and have hope that the people you surround yourself with will understand and be forgiving, as no one is perfect. As humans we have emotions; we will get upset sometimes, we will be hurt, we will be frustrated and stressed but we will also be happy, we will be energetic and loving, we can be the reason someone has a good day and ends it grateful for the happiness brought by loved ones.

We can't control if people chose to hurt us, accidentally or intentionally and it doesn't really make sense to hold that against them. Don't take offense or be mad at someone, though it's okay to be hurt, it only hurts more to hold grudges. Let people in your life, even knowing they might not always be there forever. It was never meant to be that way and if you try to protect yourself by keeping people out and a guard up, you only deprive yourself from the happiness people offer by trying to eliminate the possibility of being hurt by being vulnerable. It's not worth it; it never is. You will miss out on amazing people that will help you learn in life and grow to who you are most happy being, without people, there's no such thing as learning. You cannot assume so much about a book without reading it or listening to others' views on the book and you cannot know the content of the book without reading it yourself to gather your own opinion of it. Find the good in every book you are willing to read and don't hold back letting yourself love and hurt. Don't be afraid to be hurt in life; often, we find comfort in the hurt and adversity we face in different ways than we can imagine, you just have to let yourself feel. Feeling happiness sometimes comes with allowing yourself to feel hurt and, in my opinion, the happiness always outweighs the hurt. Every time. Even if only hurt comes from a situation. People don't last a lifetime, we can't make them. Sometimes things don't even end badly and the road of life takes us in different directions and it cannot be avoided. It's okay to miss someone or to be close to someone whose presence may not last, their memory is well worth your while.

*influences: Jonny Redd and A Day to Remember, “This is the House that Doubt Built.”

When Life gives you lemons, make Limeade.

Playing in the canyon and looking at the stars

Talking about the past and how it's come to who we are

Watching the game on our very first date

Boy this is fun, if it's not fate!

Playing games and giggling, you're showing me what it's about

No matter the outcome of this adventure, I'd rather not live without

I'm not thinking wedding bells, I don't care if you're the one

Well, if this isn't love, then at least I sure am having fun!

I love the way you look at me, you've reminded me what's real

The happiness that's come with simplicity in the way you've made me feel

I'm not sure what tomorrow brings, I do hope you'll be around

Just excited to learn and to laugh with the new friend I have found

Growing and learning is what life is, don't be afraid to live

maintaining great friendships and loving all, to life that's all there is!

It's not as difficult as we must make it, though it sure is hard sometimes

Just find a new friend to make you smile, make limeade out of limes!

Be Happy with the picture of your puzzle.

Maybe as humans we are supposed to be free...we always seem to be happier when we are doing things on our own time. Studies will show that people are much more productive when they choose when to fulfill their obligations as opposed to being told. There are, of course, responsibilities in life but I don't think that's an issue with most people. I know that I prefer to have responsibilities but when life becomes too much like a pathless wood, where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs broken across it and one eye is weeping from a twigs having lashed across it open...my good friend Robert Frost has said, life becomes as meaningless as the things you've filled it with. When push comes to shove what do we really want to do? What would really make us happy? We can find happiness in succeeding-having a full time job and balancing school, possibly having children and relationships- but who says we have to do it the way everyone else is? They don't seem too happy...just what society would consider to be successful. We should be both. 

The successful are all too often categorized to be those that put business first and foremost but I think success is happiness. If a person can achieve happiness in whatever condition life may be, that to me is true success. When you think of our society's view on a successful person, it is often to think of a man who puts a lot of time into work and, before work, school. Someone who is an “overachiever” by name, who has many medals on his resume that can be considered a success in society and as a human being. What often do we find these people lacking? Look at the character of Ebeneezer Scrooge, wealthy, busy, worked hard...but unhappy because he forgot of the importance of himself. When we place too much value on the temporal things this world has to offer it becomes easy to forget about our spirits and joy, then you get so far from the idea that you don't remember what that is or that it's missing. Of course, there are  instances in which this isn't always the case, those few, rare times where people portray happiness because of money and I can never know what's in another persons head, all I can know is what I am willing to see in an unbiased fashion, according to the laws of reality (though that are, always, debatable) and that is simply that we should not forget ourselves in the hustle and bustle of life and living it. Living life is different than participating it; we all have to participate by default but those wise enough can choose to live. Live Life. 

What I was saying, though- a solution for the oh-so-easy habits that form into forgetfulness of our own agency to choose to be happy- I suggest we choose our own time for obligations. Don't fit yourself into obligations, Fit them around you, it seems to me we are all more likely to accomplish more when we  aren't overwhelmed and we seem to be more overwhelmed when we find ourselves forming time consuming habits during the time we didn't want to give in the first place. If something doesn't fit, don't try to make it or change the puzzle to make fit it...cut off the edges ; P No, don't cut off the edges. Find the right pieces to the puzzle that is your life, we can't see the full picture, yet, because the puzzle isn't finished. The best we can do is find the right pieces for our life now and strive to be pleased with the picture our lives are creating in the end. Are you happy with your puzzle? 

Honesty is.

When the thought of no one and nothing brings me comfort, you do. The times I feel alone, I feel you there. When I can't feel heaven surrounding me for comfort or the arms of angels around me, you are the angel God sends for a hug. When it seems the world is crashing down around me, noise distracting my spirit from Gods will, you are there to be my focus, to quiet the storm and to calm the waves in the blurry world surrounding; I see only you. When no other person on this earth understands me and what is good for me, you do, you know me, my actions, flawed or focused, and my spirit. When I feel disconnected by the games of the temporal mind, you look at me, into my eyes, and recreate the strongest connection I've ever known with anything. You are the person I will never deny, the friend I will always need and the guide standing beside me, always if you will choose to be there.

Possible Last Thoughts...

As I glance through the window of the small aircraft in which is taking me to the Chicago international airport, I reflect upon my most recent visit to childhood memories. I consider the tossing and turning of the plane as we emerge from the dark, full clouds to a midnight blue sky, all was clear beside the millions of stars that awaited us. The airplane maneuvered just right to avoid more turbulence and the storms that had preceded along with the aftermath clouds. Now, floating, gliding even, in the opposite direction of my destination, I pondered my own feelings. I am homesick. I have come from so many places and traveled for what feels like my whole life, to find a place to call home, an environment that enabled my character to shine and my values to persist. I’ve searched many years for such a place and have wondered, for longer, when and where I would find it but, now, I am homesick. I miss Utah. I miss the wonderful life I’ve created for myself, the blessings I’ve received through the gospel, the friends who’ve shown me more love than I knew another person could: the place I worked hard to find and the life I have struggled to build…my job, my church callings, my friends. I look now into the night sky at the luminous moon, shining upon us; those in the plane who seem to be the only other people in existence in this small world above the world. I am now distracted by a star glowing in the distance that must be millions of years old, a newer one, though… with as bright as it is. A line of red divides the colors of the horizon, we are submerged in its darkness and below there is a blanket of dark layered clouds that wouldn’t catch us if we were to fall. I think of possible instances in which I would need to assist others and myself in a crash landing of some sort and what I would say, if I could to those I loved in the world below:

“I love you. I am so proud of who you are. Don’t forget my life and memories we’ve shared. Don’t forget who I am, don’t forget who you are and live it. If I don’t see you again, I will watch over you.”

The moon has left us. My stomach feels nauseous but I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not my parents fault but there wasn't a microwave, water pressure is horrible, there was literally no food or water (just soda); I hadn't eaten all three meals daily since I arrived in Indiana. They are good people, my mom and my dad, and they mean well. " For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I wouldn’t mind dying right now, I wouldn’t want to, I just feel at peace with it, if it were to happen. I also feel, however, that I will be taken care of. That whatever is the will of God, so it will be. I am okay if that means I am to die. I was thinking of serving a mission over the past year. I had a bishop’s appointment on January 8 to ask his thoughts. Just as I had made the decision to go, I was praying and got my answer. I felt impressed to work, save and work in school…not just work, though…I felt the need and motivation to work as hard as I ever have for anything. I feel a great desire to learn as much as I can and to focus on school, even if it means I have to get a different job. That is more risk than I’m usually comfortable with. To get a different job is incredibly unsteady but I felt the need to do that, or whatever it takes to get my education. 

I feel something big coming, new things, I’m not sure what besides what I can see. I will see, eventually. 

I look outside and see pitch black; 17,000 feet up..the stars have disappeared, nothing but the red lights flickering at the end of each wing on the smallest jet I’ve ever ridden in my life. There is a calm silence and I can’t wait to get home, and I do mean home. 

With thought of intention, what establishes a just and unjust person?

Plato introduces an argument presented to his teacher, Socrates, by Glaucon in an attempt to offer a theory on a person’s intent by motivation to act justly. He begins his inquiry by establishing three classes of people: one who seeks after his own, one who seeks for himself and his results, and a third who seeks only for the reward of others. He imposes the problem of the nature of justice and injustice and the intent behind them. He imposes that anyone who does good for another is to receive the rewards and benefits himself in some way and justifies his argument by stating the life of the unjust is better than that of the just. He continued his argument by determining that those who practice justice do so involuntarily because the unjust always benefit more than the just, according to his claim. He gives an example of an unjust man that cannot be seen when he wears a magical ring that makes him invisible to others, therefore, can do as he pleases, as there are no consequences. In this example, the man chooses to act unjustly, as it is his nature to be unjust. Glaucon plays devil’s advocate by making the claim that no man would keep his hands off of what was not his own when he could take what he wanted without concern of hurting himself in some way. He proposed the other end of the argument with a just man in the same situation with an invisibility ring. He says that he believes the just man would act unjustly, since there aren’t eyes upon him and because there is no consequence. He isolates the men and their moral standings by stating that if there were to be a man that is solely just, then let him be only just and never unjust and the unjust remain unjust and never just, with the basis that it must be one extreme or the other; there is no in between. He goes on to say that the just, if there were any, receive reward, anyway, by showing to others how good he is and receiving reward for his being just. Therefore, there is also a selfish meaning to being just. He defines this to be unjust and to feel as though he’s proven there is no such difference between just and unjust; there are only the unjust, with different intentions and motivations.

            This unjust person is defined as an egoist, that is to say he is a person who believes the only reason someone would do something is to gain something for him, which will only benefit themselves. By definition, they may also go out of their way, going against their own self-interest, to cut someone else’s self-interest. The question now lies, “Do people ever go out of their way to act against what they take to be their self-interest?” If so, they would be defined as an Altruist, or, a person who acts purely with the intent of another’s self-interest. These are two extremes that don’t seem to fit every person somewhere within the definitions. This begs the question of our intent and why we choose to do something for someone else. Where Glaucon’s claim is that there are only unjust people, or egoists, and the only other option is someone completely just, at all times, and seek no gain for themselves and only others, how can we place a person who sometimes acts for himself and, at times, acts with the sole thought of another person’s wellbeing?

            William James presents the possibility or an “out by making the claim that there can be more than one motivation in doing something. For example, if I were walking down the hallway at Utah Valley University, and saw a piece of paper on the floor, I would pick it up and throw it in a nearby garbage can. Why would I do that? What is my intent? The two extremes to the intent behind this action are that either I want someone to see me picking it up so they would think I was a good person, which would benefit myself and happen to benefit another or that I did not want the janitor to strain his back after a long day at work and I am more easily capable than he and would like to be a good example to anyone who did see for their better wellbeing in future actions they may take. James’ version of the argument vouches for both. I can want someone to see me picking up the trash so they think I’m a good person though my original intent was to help the janitor.

            Sober does not provide a solution for the problem of intent of unjust and just, though he does offer a better, more reasonable option. His theory entails there being a third and fourth option. He says there is an absolute egoist who only thinks for himself and will act only if it benefits him. There is in existence an absolute altruist who will only do something for someone else’s interest. Then, the third option, a “self over other” person who will mostly seek gain for themselves, though, if there is an opportunity for the reward to be equal or neutral, in which case he would choose equality, but then and only then would he seek gain for another, as long as it’s equal and he will also gain reward. His fourth person is an “others over self” persona. This is one who will put others’ interests over their own, unless there is a circumstance in which they can gain, as well, at which point they will choose the neutral option. Sober says that these are all extremes and that we do not all always fit into one of these categories, meaning that he doesn’t offer much of a solution or suggestion, just an opinion to the argument Glaucon poses.   

            I disagree completely with Glaucon, not that he really believed what he was saying, rather, trying to “test” Socrates. I think that the human mind and it’s intent is something that varies by person and there cannot be a distinguishing factor that determines these absolute motivations for actions because this is liable to change with time, age, circumstance and environment, let alone person to person. There is nothing ever certain regarding behavior and I side more toward William James’ theory that there can be more than one intention for an action. In fact, usually behavior cannot be brought to conscious thought because it cannot be properly observed, in more than one way. Bringing intent to someone’s attention subjects the idea of what the motivation is to too many underlying possibilities that, again, are biased depending on who is considering the answer. Referring to B.F. Skinner’s theory on methodological behaviorism and his black box, we cannot know an absolute when considering the mind of someone else, as we cannot properly observe it. He says that if it cannot be studied, even if it is in existence, there is no need to pay attention to it. It’s nothing that can be of surety and, as Skinner says, there is no real need to pay any attention to it because it’s not really a problem. The intent of a person leading to a behavior or act doesn’t lead to falsification because it can’t be observed to say it is true or it’s false. I also find truth in Sobers’ statements reasoning the existence of four different types of people, though there is no absolute answer to this question because it, really, cannot be answered. If a person were to act in a just manner, with intentions to be unjust, and the result was just and good, and it is still a just action despite intentions.  

            In the matter of the just and the unjust, it has been proposed by the great philosophers of and before our time that there are many answers to whether or not there is a person that can act against what they take to be their own self-interest. Glaucon would say that there is no such thing as a just person, only people who think for their own gain, always, even if it appears to be in the interest of others, the reward always leading back to the egoist. William James presents the option that there can be more than one motivation to a person’s action. Sober says people can have characteristics in one of four categories: Absolute Egoist, where the person only seeks gain for themselves, Absolute Altruist, where the person only seeks gain for others, Self over other, who will mostly seek reward for himself but accept an equal reward, and an Others over Self person, who will only put other before themselves and will only gain reward if there is an equal opportunity for all. I say that there isn’t a definition that can be put in to define a person as absolutely just or absolutely unjust; there are just circumstances in which people will choose justly or choose unjustly. The character cannot be defined and the good natured action of a person, whether or not the person means to be just, is a just action, none the less and therefore, is good.